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Two years after losing my husband I'm ready for sex again but I don't know how to start

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I lost my husband two years ago. Three kids — two teenagers and an 8 year old. The first year was just white-knuckling through every single day. Grief on top of grief on top of keeping the house running and making sure they were okay. I didn't even register myself as a person who had needs.

Now it's been two years and something has shifted. I notice men. My body notices men. When someone touches my arm in passing I feel it everywhere and it scares me a little how strong that reaction is. I didn't plan for this. It just showed up.

Friends took me out last night and basically told me to make a dating profile or at least have a casual hookup. I laughed it off. But it's been sitting with me ever since.

I'm a senior executive at a finance firm. Two men I work with are clearly interested. One's early 50s, I'm pretty sure he's looking for something casual. The other is mid-40s and gives off relationship energy. I'm attracted to both of them, which is its own problem. Last time I dated I was 20 years old. I don't even know how this works anymore.

But underneath all the logistics, the thing I can't shake is this every time I let myself want this, I feel like I'm betraying my husband. I know that's not rational. I know he's gone. I know life goes on. But the guilt is real and it doesn't care about logic.

Another thing I often mastrubatute to my husband and i know it's extremely creepy but he was my high school sweetheart and all, this is i don't know right or wrong

I guess I'm asking how do you get out of your own way? How do you let yourself want something again without feeling like you're erasing the person you loved?

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