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I have a 5-foot dick and going to the bathroom is a full-time job.

So, I have a 5-ft schlong, and I’m just trying to learn how to live life with it. Tell you what, just tried to pee at a urinal, and it was such an awkward and embarrassing situation. Obviously, just undoing the zipper is gonna be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So the belt comes off, the button gets opened up, the zipper goes down, and then it’s time for what I call the “big reveal.” Admittedly, it looks like someone sliced open my abdomen and my colon was hanging out in a tangled mess in my pants. I can honestly say nothing about it looks attractive. And then, you know, you just kind of have to start untangling things and searching around, and yeah, you’ll figure it out eventually. But it has to end up straight if we’re going to get the job done, cuz any knots or kinks in there, it’s just not going to happen. I’ve had this thing my whole life, so it’s not like it’s a new thing, you know. After several minutes of the most efficient untangling of my penis that I can possibl...
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So I watched H.G Wells Time Machine and… whoa… I have thoughts

I heard about the 2002 version but my grandad knows I like time travel movies, of which I’ve seen a bunch of them and he said to me: “You should watch HG Wells Time Machine movie from the 60’s” and I said: “Um… sure” and I couldn’t get a copy just out of nowhere and he didn’t have one on DVD but luckily enough there was the full movie on YouTube. It was like the literal 1 Hr 43 Min version uncut on YouTube and it was in color, fucking amazing. I’ve already watch the Back To The Future trilogy so I was like: “maybe it’s similar” and when the movie started it had a similar sequence to BTTF with a bunch of clocks floating around the screen like it was Twilight or some shit. At first I was trying to like it since it didn’t really have that time travel feel to it yet, it was just a bunch of guys in a mansion talking about dinner and then George comes through and he’s super beaten up and dirty and the movie does a flashback to a few days ago before the new century was about to begin. Anyw...
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My dad ate alone for 23 years. I thought he didn't like eating with us.

I'm 29M. Writing this at 1:47 AM because I just came back from my village. My dad was a farmer. All my life, he never ate with us. My mom, me, my little sister — we would eat together. And he would sit outside, or in the corner, and eat after we were done. As a kid I asked him once, "Papa, aap hamare sath kyun nahi khate?" He just said, "Tum log khao. Mujhe bhookh nahi hai." I started thinking he just liked being alone. Or he didn't like us. I don't know. I was angry for a long time. When I got a job in the city, I stopped going home much. Maybe 2 times a year. Every time I called, mom would say, "Papa ne pucha tha, khana time pe kha raha hai?" That was it. Always about food. He died 2 months ago. Heart attack in the fields. Last week I went home. Mom was cleaning his almirah. She gave me his old steel plate. It was so small. Like a child's plate. I said, "Itna chhota plate Papa kaise use karte the?" My mom looked at me and start...
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My dad never said "I love you." After he died, I found 11 years of voicemails he never deleted.

I'm 31. My dad passed away three weeks ago. I'm writing this at 2 AM because I can't sleep, and because I need to tell someone. My dad was not an emotional man. He was a truck driver. He left home at 4 AM and came back late. He never hugged me at my graduation. He just shook my hand and said, "Good job." I remember being angry about that for years. When I moved to another city for work, we talked maybe once a month. Short calls. "Eat properly. Don't skip meals." That was it. I used to think, doesn't he have anything else to say to me? Last month, he got sick. It was quick. I reached the hospital too late. I only got to see him for ten minutes before he went. After the funeral, I was cleaning his room. In the drawer next to his bed, I found his old phone. The kind with buttons. I charged it, just to see. It had 214 saved voicemails. All of them were mine. Every missed call I ever left him. Every "Papa, call me back." Every "Happy b...
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WARNING: Do NOT Wash Your Hair with Your Dog’s £11 Rose-Scented Shampoo (A Story of Pure Injustice)

I harbour a deep, simmering resentment towards a very specific financial inequality in my daily life. The shampoo I buy for myself at the local pharmacy costs around £3.50. To me, £3.50 is already a decent bit of money. It feels like a modest, respectable indulgence. Then I looked at the price tag on the shampoo for my Jack Russell Terrier. £6.50. And it didn’t stop there. Upon closer inspection, I realized my family doesn't just use one bottle for the dog—they use two. One for actual washing, and another purely for "fragrance." Does anyone on Earth split their own hair-washing routine into a "cleansing phase" and a "scent-enhancement phase"? I certainly don't. Why on earth does my head get a single, budget-tier bottle while the dog enjoys a two-tier luxury system? While my human scalp is being scrubbed with £3.50 worth of foam, over £11 of capital is being invested directly into the dog’s fur. To make matters worse, the fragrance bottle is "...
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Indian BF accidentally gets hammered meeting my Grandma

TL;DR: Indian dude meeting GF’s gramma, thinks her Seagram’s bevs are soda, and accidentally gets drunk. Ends with Grandma petting his hair. ——— Dated a sweet Indian dude and brought him to visit my fam. Sikh guy, non-practicing, an engineer. Smoked a lot of cannabis, drank a lot of sugary/ energy bevs, but never drank alcohol. My Scandinavian grandma (in her 80s) offers us Seagram's Bay Breezes; a fridge full from Thanksgiving, encourages us to "use them up." Around the 1-hour mark, he is cracking #4, and I playfully call him "Drunkie". He immediately goes into panic mode and says, "This is a beer?! I felt so hot. I thought I was getting sick, but I'm just… so… happy!" He is hammered, grinning and saying: "My frame-rate is decreased." We're cracking up. Ends with him sitting on the floor in front of her recliner, talking about how much he loves the cows on the farm and the Mennonites’ horses. She's running her ancient hands thro...
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I wrote my coworker a note on a coffee cup. Three months later, I found out who'd been writing back.

I'm 28, and I work in a boring office in a boring building. Nothing exciting ever happens to me. Until a few months ago. One Monday morning, I was in the office kitchen making coffee. I had a bad weekend and a worse mood. On a whim, I took a marker and wrote on my paper cup: "If you're reading this, I hope your day is better than mine." I left the cup next to the sink and went back to my desk, feeling a little silly. The next day, I found a paper cup on my desk. Same style, different handwriting. It said: "It was. Thanks for the push. Hope yours gets better too." I stared at it for a full minute. Then I smiled for the first time in days. So I wrote back. And they wrote back. For weeks, we left cups for each other, always a few words, never a name. Small things like: "Favorite thing about rainy days?" "The sound. And not feeling guilty about staying in. You?" "Cold pizza for breakfast. Judge me." "No judgment. I do the same...
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