Bimql chhetry.

Posts

one of the funniest flirts I ever seen

Yesterday I was sitting in a small café, pretending to study but mostly watching people and drinking coffee. Then this guy walked in, looked around for like two minutes, clearly trying to build confidence to talk to a girl sitting near the window. Finally he walks up to her and says: “Are you Wi-Fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection.” I honestly expected the biggest awkward silence ever. But she didn’t even smile at first. She looked at him very seriously and replied: “Maybe. But the signal is weak. Try standing closer.” The guy actually took one step closer like an NPC in a video game. At that moment even the barista started laughing. The funniest part is that instead of dying from embarrassment, the guy continued the joke and said: “Okay, now I have full bars. Do I get unlimited access too?” And somehow… it worked. They ended up talking for almost an hour like they already knew each other. Meanwhile I was sitting there thinking that if I tried the same line, I’d proba...

Ate magic mushrooms, connected to ancient alien messages, then went clubbing and almost got arrested

So yesterday was saturday and i thought my day would be normal, maybe chill in the sofa watching a movie or go out for dinner. But then a package arrived home and i remembered two weeks ago i bought some magic truffles from Holland called “Atlantis”, the package weighted 15 grams and i decided to just yolo my day and eat them. It stared pretty chill just seeing weird visuals and that but then it got pretty intense and i stared to reflect on my own life and persona and bla bla bla personal conflicts, and then at one point at the peak i started hearing a weird frequency that sounded pretty alien to me, like the song from the ritual in “Eyes Wide Shut” but more daft punk and very alien like, it started sounding in my brain and i got afraid because it was really weird. After my alien connection the effects went milder and i just found myself dancing in front of the mirror and doing weird shit for like 2-3 hours, it was aswesome actually. Then i got dressed like very fancy, i put come coll...

My friend didn’t realise he was looking at a naked statue of my mom

I’ve talked about it before but only on a surface level because it’s still so embarrassing ughhh… So basically yeah… there is a naked statue of my mom near the pool in our backyard patio. My dad had it sculpted recently as a gift to her and the statue itself is roughly 10ft tall on a pedestal. Every time I go to the pool I have to pretend like it’s not there because yeah… that’s my mom… My new friend from work came over the house and I didn’t even end up telling him about the statue because I thought he wouldn’t go to the poolside and then he says he’s going outside to smoke and I’m like: “Ok maybe he won’t notice the statue…” yeah I was wrong. After like 20 minutes he comes back into my room and he’s like: “Brooo who is that statue of? She’s so fucking hot.” And I’m like: “That’s my mom…” And he goes from gooning to wanting to yeet himself from our house’s balcony. Like he even laughed afterwards and asked why it’s there and I told him why and he asked if my dad was a bachelor before...

My wife has dementia but she still remembers the man I killed

I’m old now. Might as well get this off my chest now while I’m still breathing. I was never a religious man, but at 85 years old, you start to think about things like that. The afterlife. Who you were as a person. What awaits you when everything goes black. I think I’m writing this for the both of us. Mimi’s too far gone now to even understand the world she’s living in, let alone the one that could embrace her after she draws that last breath. Doctors diagnosed her two weeks after her 81st birthday. We didn’t need that diagnosis. Well, I didn’t, at least. I noticed the signs before we even stepped foot in a hospital. It started with names at first. Calling our son by her father’s name, calling me by her brother’s, and vice versa. That kinda thing, you know? When she started wandering around at night, though, that’s when I knew it was time to confront the inevitable. It was strange, though. Her wandering didn’t really feel like wandering. She was deliberately going to one specific loca...

I accidentally became part of a family reunion and nobody realized I wasn’t related

A few years ago I was waiting at the airport for my delayed flight when this older woman suddenly ran up and hugged me. Before I could even react she yelled: “OH MY GOD LOOK HOW TALL YOU GOT.” I was 22. Then like six more people appeared out of nowhere smiling at me like I had just returned from war. At this point I realized two things: 1. They definitely thought I was someone else. 2. It had already gone too far to correct them naturally. So I just awkwardly committed to it. They kept asking me questions about college, my “new apartment,” and whether I was “still dating that girl from Boston.” I have never been to Boston in my life. At one point a little kid asked me: “Can you still do the bird noise?” Apparently Fake Me could do bird impressions. So now I’m standing in the middle of an airport making aggressive pigeon sounds while an entire family cheers me on. Eventually the real guy showed up. Same height. Same haircut. Same jacket. The silence when everyone realized I was a rand...

Elderly neighbor doesn’t know how to do life

A couple years ago I got friendly with some neighbors, an older couple (mid/late 70’s). The man was in the military and his wife, we’ll call her Nancy, is a semi-retired lawyer. Unfortunately, the man died a year ago and left his wife alone in the house, with no children and very few extended family who aren’t in the local area. Shortly after he died, she started asking me for help, mostly with computer/technology related things like sending emails or using her cell phone. After a couple instances of helping her, it dawned on me that she has absolutely no clue what the fuck she’s doing, with anything. She uses Earthlink Webmail (email), which is so old even people with AOL tell me she’s behind the times. She has no clue how to attach or download a document, print said document, put something on a flash drive, and she’s barely able to use a search engine. On top of it all, she’s paying a ridiculous amount of money for this shitty email service, when she could just use Gmail for f...