A few years ago I was waiting at the airport for my delayed flight when this older woman suddenly ran up and hugged me. Before I could even react she yelled: “OH MY GOD LOOK HOW TALL YOU GOT.” I was 22. Then like six more people appeared out of nowhere smiling at me like I had just returned from war. At this point I realized two things: 1. They definitely thought I was someone else. 2. It had already gone too far to correct them naturally. So I just awkwardly committed to it. They kept asking me questions about college, my “new apartment,” and whether I was “still dating that girl from Boston.” I have never been to Boston in my life. At one point a little kid asked me: “Can you still do the bird noise?” Apparently Fake Me could do bird impressions. So now I’m standing in the middle of an airport making aggressive pigeon sounds while an entire family cheers me on. Eventually the real guy showed up. Same height. Same haircut. Same jacket. The silence when everyone realized I was a rand...
A couple years ago I got friendly with some neighbors, an older couple (mid/late 70’s). The man was in the military and his wife, we’ll call her Nancy, is a semi-retired lawyer. Unfortunately, the man died a year ago and left his wife alone in the house, with no children and very few extended family who aren’t in the local area. Shortly after he died, she started asking me for help, mostly with computer/technology related things like sending emails or using her cell phone. After a couple instances of helping her, it dawned on me that she has absolutely no clue what the fuck she’s doing, with anything. She uses Earthlink Webmail (email), which is so old even people with AOL tell me she’s behind the times. She has no clue how to attach or download a document, print said document, put something on a flash drive, and she’s barely able to use a search engine. On top of it all, she’s paying a ridiculous amount of money for this shitty email service, when she could just use Gmail for f...