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my girlfriend just told me that we probably aren't getting our security deposit back.

so we have been moving our stuff out of our apartment and into a new place all weekend. and I said "damn now that we moved that dresser it stinks like cat pee in that corner." and then she says: "oh yeah and over in that corner you weren't here one weekend and I was squatting down to pick something up and I had some shorts on with no underwear and I accidentally sharted on the carpet. that's why I moved that bookshelf" and I just look at her like.... no fucking way are you kidding me?? she was deadly serious. this is like Andy Dick levels of not giving a fuck. I don't even know what to think. sure we all shart from time to time but on the fucking carpet? and then to just rearrange the furniture and take no further action? Jesus Christ I'm so blown away right now.
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I accidentally sent a message to the wrong person… and it changed my whole week

A few days ago I meant to send a message to my friend complaining about my day. Work was stressful, nothing was going right, and I just needed to vent to someone.But I accidentally sent the message to the wrong contact.Instead of my friend, I sent it to a guy whose number I had saved from months ago after buying something from him online. We barely knew each other.I realized the mistake immediately and felt really embarrassed. I sent another message saying something like “Sorry, wrong person.”A few minutes later he replied.Instead of being confused or annoyed, he said:“Hey, it’s okay. Sounds like you had a rough day. Hope tomorrow is better.”Then we actually ended up chatting for a bit. Just normal conversation about work, random life stuff, nothing special.But somehow that random mistake made my whole day better. t reminded me how strange life can be sometimes. One wrong message to the wrong person turned into a surprisingly nice conversation with someone I barely knew. Now I double-...

Mom literally walked past my open door while I was mid-orgasm

I'm 28 now, but back when I was 26, I was living at home to save money, and my room is right off the hallway—meaning anyone coming in has to pass my door to get to the kitchen or whatever. Me and my then-boyfriend are in the middle of, uh, some enthusiastic adult activities. We're going at it, full throttle, I'm mid-climax, moaning way louder than I realized because the AC was blasting that white noise hum. Sweat everywhere, that musky bedroom smell mixed with his cheap cologne, my heart pounding like a drum solo. Suddenly, I hear the front door creak open. Then footsteps. My brain freezes: "Wait, is that Mom? She's supposed to be at work!" But we're too far gone, and right as I hit the peak, I catch a glimpse through the crack in my door (yeah, I forgot to close it all the way—idiot move). She's walking past, grocery bags in hand, and our eyes lock for a split second. Hers widen like saucers. Pure panic, face burning hotter stomach dropping to my kne...

Sarah and Ethan Part 2

Sarah woke up to the sound a notification on her phone. Her mother had messaged her to wish a happy birthday. As she woke up a bit more, she realised that she was still naked and was remembering the sound of Ethan’s voice in her head. Sarah got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and thought to herself, I don’t look 39. She went to her closet hose a black lace thong and matching bra. She didn’t want to get dressed just yet, so found a black satin robe and wrapped that around her. As she stood in the kitchen making herself some breakfast with the gown not tied up, she moved with purpose and grace around the kitchen. The gown flowed as she walked. Sarah looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:40. There were 20 minutes until John her driver would be downstairs waiting for her. She had laid out a black dress and her signature black heals to were today. And threw the gown on her bed then slipped the dress on. As she left home for the day and rode her private ele...

I "accidentally" flirted with a girl to stop her from fighting me over her boyfriend

So a few days ago, my best friend from college tells me she has a HUGE crush on this cute guy from another department. And because I (F) apparently have friends in every department like some unofficial campus detective, she assigns me a task to find information about him. I asked her to take me to the spot where he usually hangs out. She drags me to a corridor where he’s standing with his friends. She points him out. One look at him and I’m like…why did he look like Stuart Little to me? Anyway. Standing next to him is this girl who is giving me the most aggressive side-eye I’ve ever experienced. Like she already killed me hundred if not thousand times with her side eyes. I tell my friend I’ll gather information and we move on. *Now here’s where things gets weird...really weird.* Over the next few days, more than 10 of my friends confess they have a crush on *“this really cute guy”* and want me to find out if he’s single. Every. Single. Time. It’s the Stuart Little. And every single ti...

My parents used to have sex in the same room as me

When I was a kid I used to sleep in my moms room in a separate bed but right next to each other. This was before I had my own room so I would of been around the age of 11-12. I am a male. Throughout these few years when I slept in the same room as my mom I would every now and then be waken up at night from the sounds of her having sex with my dad. Usually from the bed creaking rather than them moaning loudly. Sometimes they would talk to each other as well while doing it and that would wake me up. The lights were always off when they were doing it so they never knew I could hear them or even was up. I remember whenever I woke up I would make sure I never moved an inch because I never wanted them to know I’m awake. I even knew at that young age how awkward that would be. I would just lay there with my eyes closed pretending I was asleep usually with my head under the covers. This was a fairly regular occurrence for a few years. There were times when the lights were off, I would wake up...

Found out my boyfriend was secretly dating my sister. Peak clown behavior.

So yeah. This is embarrassing. I had a boyfriend. The “you’re the only one for me” type. Meanwhile my sister was suddenly way too friendly with him. He started “stopping by” our place when I wasn’t home. She was walking around in his hoodie that he supposedly “lost.” I ignored it because I didn’t want to look crazy. One day I came home early. The apartment was quiet but I heard laughing from her room. His laugh. I opened the door and they were sitting on her bed way too close for it to be innocent. The energy was very much not sibling-friendly. And of course he hits me with, “It’s not what it looks like.” Sir. Be serious. I didn’t even scream. I just stood there thinking wow, this is actually insane. Bro really downgraded to my own sister. I dumped him that day. Didn’t talk to her for a month. The funniest part? They broke up two weeks later because “trust is important.” The irony is crazy. Anyway, if your man suddenly cares a little too much about your family, maybe trust your gut.