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I Thought If I Just Froze Like a Statue, My Neighbor Wouldn't See My Junk Hanging Out – Spoiler: She Did

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Okay, this happened two days ago and I'm still dying inside. I'm 28, live in a crappy apartment building with paper-thin walls and balconies that basically stare into each other's souls. It was scorching hot, like 95 degrees, so after work I stripped down to my boxers, grabbed a bowl of leftover spaghetti, and plopped on my balcony chair to chill. Sauce was everywhere – tangy tomato smell mixing with my sweaty pits, fork twirling those slippery noodles like a pro. Felt like a king.

Then, horror: my hot neighbor (let's call her Sarah, early 30s, always waves politely) steps onto her balcony right next to mine, maybe 5 feet away. She's in yoga pants, stretching, and I'm mid-bite with a noodle dangling from my lip. Internal scream: "Oh god, don't look over, don't look over." But she does. Our eyes lock. Panic mode – I freeze like that dumb dog meme, thinking if I don't move, I'll blend into the background. Heart pounding, cheeks burning hot, that prickly shame sweat starting under my arms. The noodle? Slowly sliding out of my mouth, inch by inch, plopping onto my lap with a wet *splat*. Worse: the motion tugs my loose boxers down just enough that... yeah, the tip of my dick peeks out like it's saying hello. Mortifying. Feels like forever, but probably 10 seconds.

She bursts out laughing, covers her mouth, says, "Uh, hey... everything okay over there?" I unfreeze, yank up my shorts, mumble "Yeah, just... hot day," and bolt inside, leaving spaghetti carnage behind. The smell of garlic lingered on me all night.

Now, balcony privileges revoked forever. Considering emigrating to Antarctica where no one can see my shame. Anyone else pull a T-Rex fail?

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