Lust ruined my relationship with my father

Tw: not kid friendly story. So if ur under 18, don’t read this.

Perhaps this story is for those men out there who struggle with lust and are, or aspire to be a dad/husband.

Growing up being the eldest daughter, I was soo close with my dad, I viewed him as the perfect man, and that he has no flaws. Little by little that perfect image started to fade away, but as I grew older, I realized that not everyone is perfect, and even our parents are human too. But his red flags become clearer and clearer as time moved on: putting all the responsibility of raising me and my siblings on my mom, being emotionally unavailable, and so much more. when I was 15, while I was on my dad’s phone, I decided to check his YouTube history cause I was curious, aside from endless videos of politics, I saw a sexual video of a girl, my heart sank. Idk why but I litteraly began trembling, like I was not supposed to find this out. From that day, I never looked at him the same way again. This man, the same “religious man” who keeps telling my mom to cover herself up cause he’s “ jealous” and she’s his “property” (he literally said that in front of me btw). I felt so disgusted, I feel uncomfortable hugging him, and so on. Now seeing with a clearer lens, I see how my mom, despite them being married for 20years, still putting an effort on doing her makeup, wearing appealing and revealing clothes to satisfy him. I feel bad for her tbh, like he should love you no matter how u look, especially after being married for 20 years and having 3 kids. So many times he emotionally manipulates her in front of me, and I hate it. He’s selfish, and only using mom to satisfy his never ending desires. Now I’m 19, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t see him the same way again. I don’t even like talking to him, and by that it’s just a one sided conversation from his side since he doesn’t even listen to what I say.Even now, from time to time I check his YouTube history, only to find the exact same shit…

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