So our internet bill went up by like $12. It was annoying, but not the end of the world. I assumed the company raised rates like they always do. But Kevin? No. Kevin storms into the living room holding the bill like we had committed a crime.
He goes, dead serious, “Which one of you keeps using too much Google? They’re charging us extra.”
I thought he was joking. I laughed, big mistake. He doubled down and starts listing “internet-heavy activities” he’s noticed:
– me watching YouTube while cooking
– our other roommate playing Spotify
– someone downloading a big PDF that one time
He even said, “And you guys always have so many tabs open, that stuff adds up.”
This man genuinely believed the wifi company charges per Google search like some kind of data utility meter. He kept saying, “We need to limit our browsing. No unnecessary internet after 8 pm.” I swear I almost passed out trying not to laugh.
The funniest part? Kevin watches 4K anime every night and streams games until 3 am, but somehow *we* were the problem. When we explained how internet plans actually work, he got defensive and said the companies “change the prices based on vibe levels.” I still don’t know what that means.
Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to actually budget like an adult, track spending, build my credit back up. But Kevin? Kevin thinks the wifi bill is basically a mood ring.
I honestly don’t know how he’s survived this long.
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