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I spent approximately 10 minutes almost in tears talking to my toaster, begging it to just give my toast back when the timer ended and the slot popped up, and to my horror, there was no toast inside.

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So this happened a mere two months ago. It's 8:00 p.m. and I'm starving, and like any functional adult, I decide my dinner is going to be toast, specifically a single slice of rye bread slathered with an unholy amount of strawberry jam... Definitely not because that's all I had in the cupboard....

Anyways, I grab my slice of rye bread from the fridge and stick it in the toaster as you do. While I wait, I'm scrolling YouTube shorts, scrolling Instagram, scrolling Reddit, basically filling my brain with brain rot and an ungodly amount of ASMR content and cute penguin videos.

Finally, which was no more than a minute in reality, the toaster slot containing my precious dinner pops up. I put my phone down an eagerly reach for my carbs, accept, there is nothing there. The slot is empty, just like my stomach. It's at this moment that I just stare. I simply cannot comprehend what reality is showing me. I lean over the counter and squint into the hot darkness. Nothing. No toast.

I squint into the other three slots. Still nothing. I pick up the toaster and bring each slot directly to eye level and peer-in like they owe me rent. Definitely nothing. My toast was gone. Now my lip was trembling and all I could say was,
"Where is it!? Where is it!?" Over and over. I stood there, and interrogated that Chrome covered box like it would tell me the truth if I just begged long enough. I even shook it a few times, like maybe I could intimidate it into giving my toast back.

Eventually, I had no choice but to admit defeat. I grabbed two Snickers bars on the way out of the kitchen. I went to bed without my toast.

The next morning I go down to make my morning coffee, still pissed, and I open the microwave to heat my milk, and there's a hard slab of something just sitting directly inside, no plate...yeah, it was my toast,accept it wasn't toast, it was something that had apparently been microwaved by myself into oblivion and now looked like something closer to construction material than food.

I somehow microwaved my bread and thought I put it in the toaster, and I never realized. It's not my proudest moment.

I still haven't apologized to the toaster.

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