I spent approximately 10 minutes almost in tears talking to my toaster, begging it to just give my toast back when the timer ended and the slot popped up, and to my horror, there was no toast inside.

So this happened a mere two months ago. It's 8:00 p.m. and I'm starving, and like any functional adult, I decide my dinner is going to be toast, specifically a single slice of rye bread slathered with an unholy amount of strawberry jam... Definitely not because that's all I had in the cupboard....

Anyways, I grab my slice of rye bread from the fridge and stick it in the toaster as you do. While I wait, I'm scrolling YouTube shorts, scrolling Instagram, scrolling Reddit, basically filling my brain with brain rot and an ungodly amount of ASMR content and cute penguin videos.

Finally, which was no more than a minute in reality, the toaster slot containing my precious dinner pops up. I put my phone down an eagerly reach for my carbs, accept, there is nothing there. The slot is empty, just like my stomach. It's at this moment that I just stare. I simply cannot comprehend what reality is showing me. I lean over the counter and squint into the hot darkness. Nothing. No toast.

I squint into the other three slots. Still nothing. I pick up the toaster and bring each slot directly to eye level and peer-in like they owe me rent. Definitely nothing. My toast was gone. Now my lip was trembling and all I could say was,
"Where is it!? Where is it!?" Over and over. I stood there, and interrogated that Chrome covered box like it would tell me the truth if I just begged long enough. I even shook it a few times, like maybe I could intimidate it into giving my toast back.

Eventually, I had no choice but to admit defeat. I grabbed two Snickers bars on the way out of the kitchen. I went to bed without my toast.

The next morning I go down to make my morning coffee, still pissed, and I open the microwave to heat my milk, and there's a hard slab of something just sitting directly inside, no plate...yeah, it was my toast,accept it wasn't toast, it was something that had apparently been microwaved by myself into oblivion and now looked like something closer to construction material than food.

I somehow microwaved my bread and thought I put it in the toaster, and I never realized. It's not my proudest moment.

I still haven't apologized to the toaster.

Comments

So my wife’s going to a gala tonight — as her client’s “date.”

I’m 44 and my wife is 44. She works on an art advisory committee, so attending galas, events, and client meetings is part of her job. She often meets clients for coffee, lunch, or dinner, and I don’t always know the details and that’s completely normal because it’s part of her work. She’s always professional, transparent about her friendships, and I trust her judgment completely. Recently, she mentioned she’s going to a gala with a friend, S. He’s a wealthy client she met about a year ago, and they became friends professionally. She introduced me to him once, and he seems like a genuinely good person. He invited her as his “date” to this gala, and my wife said it’s fine. I did ask her though, if she’s actually going as a “date,” and she just laughed and said, “Date doesn’t always mean romantic.” She said it’s important for her she could get networking and meet new people. Then she smiled and said, “If I get into this gala next time, I won’t need to take that man with me, I’ll take you...

The time I quit my job mid shift and walked out

Eight years ago I was working a customer service job that already had me burned out but one day my boss screamed at me in front of customers over something that wasn’t even my fault. Something in me just snapped. I took off my apron handed it to him and said “I’m done” Then I walked straight out the door and never looked back. Didn’t even go back for my final paycheck. It sounds impulsive but it was one of the most freeing empowering things I’ve ever done. Up until that moment I thought I had to just take it and that quitting mid shift was “unprofessional” But honestly that day taught me there’s a line between being dedicated and being disrespected. I was playing apex earlier and thought about how that single decision changed my whole mindset about self worth. It’s wild how one moment of courage can stick with you for nearly a decade. Still one of the best choices I’ve ever made.

I made my breast reconstruction surgeon cry with laughter

After the long process of a double mastectomy, I finally got my permanent breast implants in, and was very happy with them. As a bonus, I discovered that since they were put directly on top of my chest muscles, I could do a neat trick! I can “twerk” my breasts one at a time or together, making them dance quite vigorously! I went for my checkup and said, Hey Doc, look what I can do now…and showed off their bouncy dancing skills. He literally dropped his chart and bent over laughing until tears came into his eyes. He said I was the first patient to do that to him, and he couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the visit. I encourage other patients of this type of surgery to try it, it’s quite fun and entertaining. Edit: thanks for the kind comments and award, guess I can say I won an award for bouncing my boobies now. Note: for those who say video or it didn't happen, I get it, but I'm not going to post my boobs all over the internet!

Bimql chhetry.

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