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My wife cheated on me (again) with my best friend. She wants to fix things, but I’m done. Now I just don’t know how to move forward with the kids and legal stuff.

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I (36M) have been with my wife (35F) for 17 years. We have 3 kids together. I always believed in monogamy and being faithful. Over the years, I had plenty of chances to cheat but never did because I was happy with her. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about her.

This isn’t the first time she’s been unfaithful. Years ago, she had an on-and-off affair with a married coworker that lasted a few years. Later, she had a fling with her ex while visiting family out of state. Both times I separated from her, but I eventually forgave her because I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a broken home like I did. I told myself we were young, people make mistakes, and we could rebuild.

For a while, it seemed like we did. The past four years were calm, and I thought we were in a better place. I tried my best to move on and trust her again. But two months ago, it all came crashing down.

I got a message from my best friend’s wife, with screenshots proving my wife was having an affair with him. They weren’t just flirting—they were sneaking off to hotels, meeting on lunch breaks, and even planning a weekend getaway. When I confronted them, neither tried to deny it.

My wife’s excuse? She said she felt neglected, envied how my friend treated his wife, and “got carried away.” She begged for forgiveness and now says she’ll do anything to keep the marriage. She’s even gone as far as offering me a “free pass” to see other women, as long as I come home to her. To me, that’s not a marriage.

The truth is, I don’t love her the way I used to. At this point, it feels more like I’m tied to her out of history and kids rather than genuine love. She’s crossed the line too many times. I can’t trust her, and her words mean nothing to me anymore.

Right now, we’re stuck living under the same roof because of financial reasons and the kids. She’s pushing the “we shouldn’t let the kids grow up in a broken home” angle, but I think staying together in this situation would do more damage than divorce.

To clarify: I’m not staying with her. I know this marriage is over. What I don’t know is how to move forward legally and with the kids. I’ve never been through anything like this lawyers, custody, property, all of it feels overwhelming. I do have enough proof of her affairs that she can’t just flip the script on me, but I still worry as a father about how things could play out in court.

My mental state is wrecked right now, but I know I have to figure this out for my kids and myself.

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