I (now 31) met him(now 33) in July 2022. We were long distance for about a year. He called me every single day. We would talk for hours. He made me feel like I had finally found my soulmate. I trusted him completely. He told me he wanted a future, a family, a life with me. I believed every word. I loved him with my whole heart.
What I didn’t know was that he had another "girlfriend" where he lived. She didn’t know about me, and I didn’t know about her. From the very beginning, it was all lies. I am convinced he uses girls only as a cover up to "fit the norm". He also grew up in a very christian household.
We met in person for the first time in August 2023. It felt natural. We clicked immediately. But when it came to our sex life, something always felt off. He rarely initiated anything. Sometimes he would stop halfway through and say, “Let’s finish later.” He barely touched me. He rarely kissed me. His eyes were always closed. I blamed stress. He was leaving the military and I thought maybe he had a lot on his mind.
Then one day I went through his phone, something I never thought I would do. I saw what kind of porn he watched. It was a lot. Every day. Multiple times a day. And almost all of it was shemale and trans women content. That’s what he was into. I was shocked. I tried to tell myself it might just be a fantasy or a kink. I didn’t want to believe what my gut was already telling me.
Not long after that, I found out I was pregnant.
I didn’t know what to do. I was scared and uncertain. But he wanted the baby. He begged me to keep it. He promised he’d be there. Promised we’d be a family. Promised he would help. So I believed him. Again.
During my first trimester, things got worse. He was drinking more than ever. I asked him to go to rehab. He refused. And then he cheated on me. Not just once, and not with a woman but with multiple men. From Grindr. While I was pregnant.
Eventually, I found out this wasn’t the first time. Back in 2017, he had also cheated on one of his exes with men using Grindr and Craigslist. That ex found trans content and gay stuff on his phone too, and when she confronted him, he told her it was just a phase. But clearly it wasn’t. This has been going on for years.
He had multiple Grindr hookups. I saw the messages, the pictures, the apps. He was having sex with men, he was wearing skirts and lingerie, giving oral, being the bottom, and having threesomes. Hookups were almost daily. While I was pregnant with his child.
He now claims he’s bisexual. But looking back, he was never truly attracted to me. Not emotionally, not sexually. I don’t think he was ever attracted to any woman. His exes have said the same thing. They also had robotic sex, same position every time, no passion, no intimacy, eyes always closed. He cheated on them too. With men.
I am almost convinced he is gay. I don’t want to label someone else’s sexuality, but his entire history and behavior make me feel like this goes far beyond being bisexual. I supported him, loved him, trusted him, gave him everything and he lied to me every step of the way.
Now I’m a single mom. I love my baby more than anything, but I’m grieving the loss of the family I thought I would have. I feel betrayed. I feel completely robbed. He made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Like something was wrong with me. Like I was the reason our sex life was cold and disconnected. But the truth is, he was never straight to begin with.
Getting cheated on already sucks. But it's even worse when you're pregnant. And even worse when you get cheated on with multiple guys.
I just needed to share this. And honestly, I would really appreciate some outside perspective. Do you think he’s gay? Or bisexual? I’m still trying to make sense of all this.
Thank you for reading.
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