I’ve been "renting" my neighbor’s dog for $20 a week so I don’t look like a creep when I come home at 3 AM.

I’m 28, and because of my job, I usually get home around 2 or 3 in the morning. My neighborhood is one of those too quiet places where everyone knows everyone’s car. After a few weeks of walking from my car to my front door in the pitch black, I noticed the curtains in the house across the street twitching every single night. I realized I had become the "suspicious character" of the block.

To fix this, I made a weird deal with my neighbor, an older guy who has a high-energy Golden Retriever. For $20 a week, I rent his dog for a 15-minute walk the moment I get home.

Now, instead of being the "creepy guy coming home at 3 AM," I’m the "dedicated local hero who helps a senior citizen with his dog." The neighborhood group chat went from Who is this guy? to God bless that young man’s soul.

The only problem? The dog has now adjusted his internal clock. My neighbor told me the dog starts sitting by the front door at 2:50 AM every night, wagging his tail and whining. His wife now thinks the dog is "psychic" and can sense my car from three miles away.

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So my wife’s going to a gala tonight — as her client’s “date.”

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That time I accidentally joined a random family’s BBQ and didn’t realize for 40 minutes

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Bimql chhetry.

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