And because I (F) apparently have friends in every department like some unofficial campus detective, she assigns me a task to find information about him. I asked her to take me to the spot where he usually hangs out.
She drags me to a corridor where he’s standing with his friends. She points him out. One look at him and I’m like…why did he look like Stuart Little to me?
Anyway.
Standing next to him is this girl who is giving me the most aggressive side-eye I’ve ever experienced. Like she already killed me hundred if not thousand times with her side eyes.
I tell my friend I’ll gather information and we move on.
*Now here’s where things gets weird...really weird.*
Over the next few days, more than 10 of my friends confess they have a crush on *“this really cute guy”* and want me to find out if he’s single. Every. Single. Time. It’s the Stuart Little. And every single time, Side-Eye Girl is right there next to him.
Eventually I find out that Stuart Little and Side-Eye Girl - are in a relationship. I inform my friends. They grieve for half a day and then move on to new crushes because it's pathetic to want someone else's man.
End of story, right? Wrong.
Yesterday I’m sitting alone in the cafeteria, minding my business, when I see Side-Eye Girl marching toward me like she’s about to declare war. I can see the rage in her eyes, I can feel the temperature rising with every step she takes.
She comes up and SLAMS her hand on my table. I ignore her. She just stands there.
We have a silent staring contest. Finally I say, calmly, “Sit down.” Because if this turned into a departmental fight, I did NOT want to be the reason. My HOD has already warned me twice to not create any ruckus.
She sits. Looks furious. Mad.
Our conversation went on like this :
Side-Eye Girl : “Are you after my boyfriend?”
Me: “No.”
Side-Eye Girl : “Weren’t you oogling at him all these days?”
Me: “No.”
Side-Eye Girl : “Don’t lie. I’ve caught you looking at us multiple times.”
And this is where my survival instincts kicked in and the dare-devil inside of me woke. Instead of choosing peace or logic, I chose chaos.
I said : “Yes, I was looking at you guys. But I wasn’t looking at him.”
She pauses : “What do you mean?”
Me : “I was looking at you, babygirl. I got lost in your beauty.”
*Silence* *Complete system shutdown*
She went from furious girlfriend to flustered in 0.2 seconds.
Out of every possible response she expected, that was *NOT* on the list.
She got shy. Didn’t know how to respond. The confrontation just… dissolved.
And that’s how I accidentally flirted my way out of a potential campus war.
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