I just accidentally called my new boss "daddy" in a Teams meeting

I don't think I'll ever recover from this. My soul has left my body and is currently applying for jobs in another dimension.

For context, I (25M) have been at this new job for about three months. My boss, Mark (50s, very serious, ex-military), is a great guy but incredibly formal and intimidating. I'm still in the "desperately want to impress him" phase.

So, we're on this end-of-day Teams call. There are about ten of us. The call is wrapping up, and my dog, a giant, lovable Golden Retriever named Bear, starts whining by the door. He needs to go out, and he's getting impatient.

I'm trying to be professional, so I mute my mic and whisper to him, "Okay, okay, hold on, daddy's almost done."

Or at least I thought I was muted.

In reality, I had just UNMUTED myself to say "Thanks everyone, have a good evening."

The second I finished that sentence, my voice, now in a sickeningly sweet baby-talk tone, rang out crystal clear across the entire virtual meeting: "Okay, okay, hold on, daddy's almost done."

Dead. Silence.

The Brady Bunch grid of faces on my screen froze. I saw one colleague's eyes widen in horror. Another quickly put a hand over her mouth. My boss, Mark, just stared into his camera with an expression of utter, uncomprehending confusion. I'm pretty time stopped for a solid ten seconds.

My brain short-circuited. In a state of pure, unadulterated panic, the only thing I could think to do was to double down on the professionalism.

I cleared my throat, looked directly into the camera, and said in my deepest, most serious voice: "My apologies. That was for the dog."

Then, without waiting for a response, I said, "Thank you, Mark. Goodbye," and clicked "Leave Meeting" faster than I've ever done anything in my life.

My heart is still pounding. I have not reopened Teams. I'm considering changing my name and moving to a remote cabin in the woods. My dog is now happily chewing his toy, completely oblivious that he has just ended my career.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

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Bimql chhetry.

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