I thought my wife was eating multiple sticks of butter per day.

I was living in a small rental house with Daphne, who was my girlfriend at the time (current wife). Since I cooked at home frequently, I was very aware of what was being bought and used in the house. I would open a stick of butter, place it on the counter on a butter plate, and return hours later to find it gone. In fact, I would find that 8 or 9+ sticks of butter were being used per week.

This observation led me to think, “Man, she really eats a lot of butter.” I was also annoyed because she would always leave the top of the butter jar open. It was one of those lids that slid up and back clockwise.

One day, I finally broached the subject. She then admitted that she believed I was consuming an excessive amount of butter and hesitated to address it directly. Now, I’m skeptical of the situation and can’t help but wonder what’s going on.

Two days after our conversation, I decided to step outside onto the patio to have a beer. As I glanced back into my house, I noticed my dog on her hind legs, with the top of the butter container open and her nose in it.

I was both concerned and relieved that my wife wasn’t eating sticks of butter.