Telling a doctor how my family member tried to catch a bat by spraying a fire extinguisher

So last week a bat appeared at a relative's house. In trying to catch it, my older brother decided to try to tame it by spraying a fire extinguisher on it. It didn't work and left dust everywhere and caused everyone to cough. We caught the bat the next day and it tested negative for rabies. (We tested it since it was out while some of us were sleeping with the door open).

An older relative who was at the house has cancer and was home during this bat ordeal. Over the weekend they had trouble breathing so we had to take them to the ER. They are admitted to the hospital for pneumonia and potentially pneumonitis (inflammation of the lung tissue). Today the pulmonologist was there and talking to this relative trying to understand when the symptoms started and if it maybe related to the cancer meds. I go "so we had a bat in the house and one of us decided to spray a fire extinguisher at it." He looks shocked and kind of laughs. But then he said it probably wasn't related since the inflammation would be at the top of the lung and it is at the bottom. He probably thinks our family is crazy now... I didn't even reveal who it was who did this even though he was in the hospital room.

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So my wife’s going to a gala tonight — as her client’s “date.”

I’m 44 and my wife is 44. She works on an art advisory committee, so attending galas, events, and client meetings is part of her job. She often meets clients for coffee, lunch, or dinner, and I don’t always know the details and that’s completely normal because it’s part of her work. She’s always professional, transparent about her friendships, and I trust her judgment completely. Recently, she mentioned she’s going to a gala with a friend, S. He’s a wealthy client she met about a year ago, and they became friends professionally. She introduced me to him once, and he seems like a genuinely good person. He invited her as his “date” to this gala, and my wife said it’s fine. I did ask her though, if she’s actually going as a “date,” and she just laughed and said, “Date doesn’t always mean romantic.” She said it’s important for her she could get networking and meet new people. Then she smiled and said, “If I get into this gala next time, I won’t need to take that man with me, I’ll take you...

Update- My fiance’s “vows disaster” just hit rehearsal day & it got worse

For context- my fiance accidentally sent our officiant his draft vows, the one full of placeholders like “insert emotional stuff here” and “make her cry but not ugly cry”? Yeahhh. He promised he fixed them. But he did not. At the rehearsal, the officiant asked if he wanted to do a practice run. My man confidently steps up, opens his phone & starts reading the exact same draft. He gets halfway through “insert heartfelt memory here” before realizing, mid-sentence - what’s happening. The entire wedding party is trying not to lose it. Our officiant just sighed and said, “Well, at least you’re honest.” He is now rewriting his vows under supervision like it’s a school detention. The bridesmaids made him a folder titled “FINAL FINAL vows - DO NOT SCREW UP.docx.” If the ceremony goes anything like this rehearsal, I might livestream it for educational purposes. (And yes, I posted the original chaos on r/WeddingJokes — I feel like I owe them an update at this point)

I accidentally went on a date with someone who thought I was their other Tinder match

So, a couple months ago I matched with this girl on Tinder. We had a pretty normal convo, nothing crazy, but eventually she asks me to grab coffee. Chill, right? We meet at this cute local spot, she gives me a quick hug, and right off the bat she says: “Wow, you look even better than your hiking pics!” Problem is… I don’t hike. Like, I don’t even walk briskly. I just nod and laugh it off. We keep talking and she starts referencing stuff that makes zero sense. “Your dog is so cute—what was his name again? Bentley?” I don’t have a dog. Never have. Then she mentions how I told her I used to live in Colorado. Again, not me. I’ve never even been west of Kansas. So now I’m trying to figure out if I have early onset memory loss or if she’s mistaking me for someone else entirely. Finally, mid-latte, I ask, “Hey, just to clarify… what’s my name?” She looks confused. “Jake?” Friends… my name is not Jake. We just stared at each other for a solid five seconds before she burst out laughing. Appare...

Bimql chhetry.

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