Bimql chhetry.

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My wife admitted something on her deathbed. Now I’m glad she died.

I’m in angst. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. Everything just feels so surreal right now. My wife and I have been together for the last 35 years. We married young and had our daughter around 10 years later. I still remember the day she had to be taken to the hospital. I was at work when her water broke, but instead of calling and demanding I get there as soon as possible, she told me that it was best I wait and that she was doing completely fine. I told her she was crazy if she thought I wasn’t gonna be there for the birth of my child, but she started screaming at me to stay where I was. I just chalked it up to birth hormones. I finished out the day, and as soon as I clocked out, I was flying to the hospital. It was a venture that proved fruitless, as when I arrived, my wife was nowhere to be found. And in the chaos of the busy hospital, my panic grew more and more until my pager started beeping. It was my wife’s number, and in a confused hurry, I found the nearest phon...

“I was finally able to buy my own clothes!”

So I work as a mailman in Northern California. I work in an extremely affluent area(I’m middle class, I just deliver to the rich) and one of my customers was an older woman in her late 50s-early 60s who grew up in Soviet era Russia. She was a very kind woman and she’d always offer me drinks when it was hot. Anyways, I was speaking to her one day and I decided to ask her a question “what was one of the first big changes that you noticed when the Soviet Union collapsed?” And her response was very interesting. She said “I was finally able to buy my own clothes!” She explained that during the Soviet era, citizens were given clothing they were forced to wear and didn’t have a choice in the matter; once it collapsed, clothing stores started popping up and people could finally wear what they wanted. It makes you appreciate that things might be bad, but they can be much, much worse.

I scammed my husband into liking me… and I admitted it on our wedding day.

Admitted in my vows, actually, in front of all of our guests. Just kidding! For me, it was love at first sight for my (now) husband. Not so much for him. I was his little sister’s friend, with braces, and constant teen girl giggling. He was the older, much much hotter, couldn’t-care-less older brother down the hall. I obviously had no shot. Later, we met again through mutual friends, now both older, no headgear. I was just as in love, he was still just as cute, and this time I actually had a chance - I wasn’t going to blow it. I invited him to hang at my place after a friends birthday party and…. I had staged the place. I had casually left out a T-shirt of his favorite football team. You know, just tossed on the back of a chair. Oops! How did that get there? I left a CD of his favorite band on my nightstand, because obviously, that’s what any casual fan does. I love them too, duh! I had his favorite drink waiting in the fridge. Suuuuper casual. Was I a complete weirdo for doing this? ...

Plot twist?

When I was a teenager I woke up in the middle of the night with an odd feeling. I went to check on my mom, but she was gone. I went to see if she had fallen asleep on the couch, but no. Her man was asleep in the out house because they had a fight. But anyway, I decided to go outside and look for her. But my shoes and jacket was gone. I thought to myself wtf? Did I put them in my room? I checked, but no. So I thought maybe they were outside? I went to look, but when I opened the door I found my mom comeing home while not only wearing my shoes but my blue cardigan. She had been in my room while I slept to get it. She even put her hair in a ponytail just like I did. I was like "Mom wtf are you doing in the middle of the night? Why did you stretch out my shoes too?" She then blocked my way into the pantry and I knew she was hideing something but decided to snoop around later when she was at work or something. The next day the police called me. They had found footage and footprin...

My Wife Saved My Life

At lunchtime one day last year, I was going about my business trying to manage my severe afternoon exhaustion due to chronic illness while sitting upright in my bed eating a chicken burrito, hold the cheese, from Chipotle, when I suddenly started choking on a large bite of the dry tortilla/rice/chicken. Somehow, I was able to dash into the hallway and call for help, though barely audible. My wife screamed for my oldest son to call 911, but he couldn’t find her phone (we have no landline). Running up the stairs faster than you can say, “Extra guac, please,” she descended on me and delivered three hard slaps to my back, to no avail. Seconds from death, I was able to eke out, “Do the Heimlich maneuver.” “I don’t know how to do it!” she screamed back. Then, suddenly, I was twice lifted off the ground during a series of severe chest thrusts — more like massive bear hugs — in her desperate attempt to do the Heimlich maneuver. On the fifth one, I could finally breathe again. The next morning...

Bounced my face off the pavement today. (true)

Working on some creative animation stuff, having a great day, decided to go for a bike ride to pick up something for supper. Ended up at Jimmy Johns, about 10 blocks away, got a giant sandwich, left a couple dollars for a tip, put sandwich in backpack, started biking home. Nearly home, stood up on bicycle and started cranking to speed to a stoplight that had just turned green when "pop", my chain flies off, foot hits the ground (because I was cranking hard on the pedals), bike turns sideways instantly and my face BOUNCED HARD off the asphalt. No traffic on the road I was coming from, still 50 feet from the stoplight I was rushing towards. Lip is very swollen, one of my front teeth is painful if pressed on, but not loose. Forehead and nose have cuts, bloody knee, bloody elbow. Walked the bike the last three blocks, came inside, showered, used some bactitracin on the wounds and put on gauze pads with surgical tape I have had in my medicine cupboard forever. I live alone i...