I found them in the attic while looking for Christmas lights. Dozens of envelopes tied with a faded blue ribbon, all addressed to her in handwriting I didn't recognize. The postmarks were from the year before we met. I didn't open them. I sat on the dusty floor and held them for a long time, trying to decide who I was going to be in that moment. The man who asks questions, or the man who lets people keep their own secrets. I chose silence. Every birthday after that, I watched her a little closer. She'd sometimes go quiet on the anniversary of her mother's death. She'd sit by the window with a cup of tea that went cold. I told myself it was grief, and maybe it was. Last Sunday she came into the kitchen holding one envelope, the ribbon already untied. "I think you should know something," she said. Her voice was steady, but her hands weren't. She had written those letters to her first love, a boy who left for the army and never came back. She had never s...
So, I have a 5-ft schlong, and I’m just trying to learn how to live life with it. Tell you what, just tried to pee at a urinal, and it was such an awkward and embarrassing situation. Obviously, just undoing the zipper is gonna be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So the belt comes off, the button gets opened up, the zipper goes down, and then it’s time for what I call the “big reveal.” Admittedly, it looks like someone sliced open my abdomen and my colon was hanging out in a tangled mess in my pants. I can honestly say nothing about it looks attractive. And then, you know, you just kind of have to start untangling things and searching around, and yeah, you’ll figure it out eventually. But it has to end up straight if we’re going to get the job done, cuz any knots or kinks in there, it’s just not going to happen. I’ve had this thing my whole life, so it’s not like it’s a new thing, you know. After several minutes of the most efficient untangling of my penis that I can possibl...