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DAY HUNDRED AND SIX

A Village Sensation When your humble servant returned from Russia and arrived in the village by taxi, I was greeted by some extraordinary news. Our eighty-year-old neighbor, after being a widower for a year, had married a seventy-year-old woman. “Is that really a sensation?” You may criticize me. I will answer: “You are one hundred percent right. That is not a sensation.” But when a seventy-year-old woman becomes pregnant by an eighty-year-old man with a walking stick and false teeth—that is a sensation! Science tells us that most women give birth before the age of thirty. And here was a seventy-year-old woman who, against all expectations, was about to become a mother. Nobody could digest the news. The old man’s grown-up children thought that their father and his elderly wife would soon leave this world one after the other. But then something drove them crazy. A new heir had appeared on the horizon. The matter concerned a property consisting of sixteen sotkas of land, seven houses, t...

How I almost died from the polio vaccine.

How the polio vaccine almost killed me. So background is that I am in nurse practitioner school and about to start my clinicals, of note I work as an ER nurse in a relatively small town area. While uploading my vaccine record to the portal thing, I realized I can’t prove that I had the whole polio series as a kid, even though I probably did have them. And because I was waiting until the last minute the only option I had was to get the adult dose like that week. Important note for the story is while I was in nursing school I worked full time as an EMT on an ambulance in the same city. That’s a detail we will revisit later lol. So I made an appointment at the health department, took my dog to go get his vaccines at the vet, ran into the health department to get my vaccine real quick and I was going to be on my way. Get the dose, walk out, right past the sign (that I remember actually looking at) that says wait 15 minutes to make sure you don’t have a reaction. If that isn’t foreshado...

Went over to help my elderly neighbor and got an unexpected surprise

So, I (M28) and my fiancé (F26) bought a house recently and we have an older neighbor directly across the street who is 76. She’s VERY friendly with us ever since we moved in earlier this year— maybe even a little too friendly. Like, she has a glass door that she sits in front of everyday, so every single time we walk out the front door she comes over to immediately engage us in a 30min conversation. I know what everyone’s thinking— she’s just elderly and lonely and wants someone to talk to. Although, keep in mind she has two “boy-toys” between the ages of 50 and 70 who frequently come over for booty calls and weed smoking, along with other family and friends, so she’s not that lonely. She’s a sweet older lady who just likes to share stories and give us gifts (fruit, pictures, mugs, etc). Often times she’ll call me over to help her with different things (fixing her printer, knocking down wasp nests, etc etc) and I’m polite so I always go over to help her when she calls. One day, she...

I was hired to digitize old VHS tapes. I was told to always turn off the monitor for the tapes with a red sticker.

I needed a quiet job. After a bad breakup and losing my apartment, I just wanted to sit in a room by myself and earn a steady paycheck, so I spent weeks scanning online boards for data entry positions, and eventually found a listing for an archival technician at the local public access station in Crestwood. The station operates out of a squat concrete building near the edge of the county lines, and broadcasts local news and community events. I walked into the main lobby for my interview on a Tuesday morning. I met the station manager at the front desk. His name is Ken. Ken is a balding guy who wears oversized sweaters and talks with a slight wheeze when he breathes. He shook my hand firmly and immediately led me toward a dark stairwell at the back of the building. "We got a massive state grant to digitize the municipal archives," Ken explained as we walked down the steps. "The town has fifty years of town hall meetings and local parades sitting on magnetic tape in the ...

I think I’m addicted to Ozempic

I struggled with food for a long time. It was my everything. My lifeline. I couldn’t stop myself. I just kept eating. And eating. Then I’d eat some more. One day, I had to look in the mirror, though. I had to ask myself: is any of this really worth it? I mean, look at me. I look disgusting. I put on a shirt that used to fit like a glove in high school and end up looking like Brent from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. But even still, I didn’t stop. Cake. Candy. Burgers, fries, pizza, ice cream. My daily rotation looked like a 6-year-old’s dream. Only I was 27. Still living with my mom. Still sleeping in the same sweat-stained bed from years of night terrors. I couldn’t even come up with a valid reason as to why things got this bad. I was in the middle of it. When you’re in the middle of something, it’s hard to see the starting line, and even harder to see the finish. I tried the normal shit. Caloric deficits. Exercise. I’d walk at least 2 miles a day, but then I’d be raiding my pant...

I Quit Commercial Diving After What I Saw at Hoover Dam

Most people think my job is insane. Honestly, they're probably right. When people talk about dangerous professions, they usually mention logging, commercial fishing, or construction. Those jobs earn their reputation. One mistake, one moment of bad luck, and you're fucked. Or hell, dead. Me? I always found myself drawn to danger. Maybe it's the adrenaline. Maybe it's because some part of me enjoys standing in places most people would never willingly go. You can learn a lot about a person from the work they choose to do. For me, that work is commercial diving. Most folks hear that and assume it's terrifying. Being dropped into cold, dark water hundreds of feet from the surface while surrounded by machinery that could crush you without warning doesn't exactly sound appealing to the average person. The funny thing is, I find it relaxing. Down there, the world becomes quiet. The noise of everyday life (the wife complaining) disappears beneath the water. It's jus...