Bimql chhetry.

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Plot twist?

When I was a teenager I woke up in the middle of the night with an odd feeling. I went to check on my mom, but she was gone. I went to see if she had fallen asleep on the couch, but no. Her man was asleep in the out house because they had a fight. But anyway, I decided to go outside and look for her. But my shoes and jacket was gone. I thought to myself wtf? Did I put them in my room? I checked, but no. So I thought maybe they were outside? I went to look, but when I opened the door I found my mom comeing home while not only wearing my shoes but my blue cardigan. She had been in my room while I slept to get it. She even put her hair in a ponytail just like I did. I was like "Mom wtf are you doing in the middle of the night? Why did you stretch out my shoes too?" She then blocked my way into the pantry and I knew she was hideing something but decided to snoop around later when she was at work or something. The next day the police called me. They had found footage and footprin...

My Wife Saved My Life

At lunchtime one day last year, I was going about my business trying to manage my severe afternoon exhaustion due to chronic illness while sitting upright in my bed eating a chicken burrito, hold the cheese, from Chipotle, when I suddenly started choking on a large bite of the dry tortilla/rice/chicken. Somehow, I was able to dash into the hallway and call for help, though barely audible. My wife screamed for my oldest son to call 911, but he couldn’t find her phone (we have no landline). Running up the stairs faster than you can say, “Extra guac, please,” she descended on me and delivered three hard slaps to my back, to no avail. Seconds from death, I was able to eke out, “Do the Heimlich maneuver.” “I don’t know how to do it!” she screamed back. Then, suddenly, I was twice lifted off the ground during a series of severe chest thrusts — more like massive bear hugs — in her desperate attempt to do the Heimlich maneuver. On the fifth one, I could finally breathe again. The next morning...

Bounced my face off the pavement today. (true)

Working on some creative animation stuff, having a great day, decided to go for a bike ride to pick up something for supper. Ended up at Jimmy Johns, about 10 blocks away, got a giant sandwich, left a couple dollars for a tip, put sandwich in backpack, started biking home. Nearly home, stood up on bicycle and started cranking to speed to a stoplight that had just turned green when "pop", my chain flies off, foot hits the ground (because I was cranking hard on the pedals), bike turns sideways instantly and my face BOUNCED HARD off the asphalt. No traffic on the road I was coming from, still 50 feet from the stoplight I was rushing towards. Lip is very swollen, one of my front teeth is painful if pressed on, but not loose. Forehead and nose have cuts, bloody knee, bloody elbow. Walked the bike the last three blocks, came inside, showered, used some bactitracin on the wounds and put on gauze pads with surgical tape I have had in my medicine cupboard forever. I live alone i...

If you need reasons to use birth control, let me tell you my last 24 hours

My day started at 6:20 this morning with a message from my daughter’s teacher about a field trip that was happening THAT MORNING. Before I continue, I do want to give her teacher some credit because she absolutely didn’t have to reach out that early, but she went out of her way to make sure my daughter didn’t miss out. Unfortunately, this left me with less than 40 minutes before the bus arrived, which is when my daughter decided that because it’s almost summertime, a swimsuit top was an acceptable school outfit. Now call me crazy, but if my child is going to be outside in the Colorado sun all day, I’d prefer she wear an actual shirt. Apparently this made me a tyrant. Then came the sunscreen argument because protecting your child from turning into a lobster is apparently an attack on their freedom. While trying to solve that crisis, my boys launched a full criminal investigation because my daughter had a sticker. Their evidence that she stole one of theirs? Absolutely none. Their confi...

I was forced to cover for my brother’s double life for 14 years. When I finally stopped, I lost my family

When I was 10, my mom moved abroad for work and I went to live with my older brother, “B”. She died 2 years later, and I ended up staying with him until I was 26. I’m the youngest of 4. B was always the golden child. I just accepted that growing up. At first, the deal was simple: I’d do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and he’d handle the bills. But “handling the bills” meant managing his affairs with multiple women. When B’s wife, “SIL”, got pregnant with their second kid, he set up a system. Every weekend, he sent SIL and the kids to her parents’ place with me. The house was empty so he could bring women over. During the week, he played the perfect husband and father. I started noticing things that didn’t add up. Women’s clothes, missing groceries, him sneaking in at dawn. When I said I was tired of the weekend trips and wanted to stay home, he couldn’t stop me. That’s when it blew up in my face. I worked factory shifts. On my days off, I started going out with coworkers. One night ...

I accidentally let a drunk girl sleep on my chest, and now I can’t stop thinking about her (part 4)

I was lying on my bed, wondering if I should go to the frat party or just stay home and chill. My dorm was surprisingly clean after Kylie practically forced me to clean it. I really liked Kylie, but she was hella annoying sometimes. She’d said she was gonna stop by later so we could go to the gym together. I seriously didn’t wanna go. But the party… Should I go? I mean, I already saw the drunk girl one last time, so what was even the point of going? Still… I really, really wanted to see her again. As I lay there thinking, my roommate Jerry walked in. “Oh wow,” he said, looking around the room. “This place is unusually clean.” “Yeah, I did a little cleanup,” I replied. He thanked me for it and told me that him and the boys were gonna go grab dinner at a restaurant later. I was about to say no, like I always did, but then I realized something. If I went with them, I wouldn’t have to go to the gym with Kylie later. So I said yes. “Really?” he asked, genuinely shocked. “Yes, really. I’m s...